Debora MbalukaComment

LETS TALK "ADULTING"

Debora MbalukaComment
LETS TALK "ADULTING"

Hello my wonderful readers, hope you are all well.

As i am writing this, i have an exam coming up, two papers due, one is more recent than the other. I should also be preparing for a presentation in two weeks. It is that time of the quarter where everything starts pilling up, and you are barely surviving on 4-5 hours and loads of caffeine. The reason for this introduction is because, while i was doing all that, i was able to do my degree audit and it dawned on me that i might finish my classes a quarter earlier. Hallelujah!!!!!

 

Forgive me if i don't fully relish on that excitement, as i was cut short by this question, "so what now, after graduation?". The easy answer that i always have is, "of course get a job". Easier said than done, right? So here i am beginning to think about applying to jobs, working on my resume, cover letter etc, in preparation. Its not that i don't have a job, i have but its part-time, and there because i still have to support myself to some extent. However, getting a job after graduation means taking more responsibility than i do currently. It means getting into the "adulting" world.

That brings me to a conversation i was having with my mum the other day. We were talking about what i will do after graduation, and all of a sudden, the tone of her voice changed. She was like, "Mwika, sasa ukipata kazi, si tutasaidiana na bills? [when i get a job, will i help her with the bills?]. All of you who are from African families, know that african parents are not known for their politeness. The fact that my mum showed such humility, i knew it had something to with money. You know they have to butter you up a little before they say what they want to say. But the good daughter i am, i already had that thought in mind, the least i could is help.

 

The reason I'm mentioning all these things is because I've been doing a lot of thinking about life after graduation and a lot of anxiety comes up. I am a person who like to plan ahead in everything that i do. However, there is a difference in looking at the greater picture and the reality of the greater picture dawning on you. The reality of "adulting" has been slowly creeping in. You know when you are in school, you don't get to worry about a lot of things with the excuse that you are in college and your main focus is to see yourself get that degree. However, when you get that degree, the reality kicks in that you are now an adult who has responsibilities.

I mentioned getting a job but that is just a piece of the larger picture. I am planning to go to graduate school, but that is nothing to worry about. The worry is that for the first time in probably 25years i will be living away from my mum. When you have lived your whole life being dependent on your parents, anxiety creeps in when you think of living by yourself away from your family. It could be liberating to some extent, however, it is a reminder that you are now an adult and its about time you start acting like one.

 

The most scariest thing about "adulting" is that, there is no handbook on how to do it. There isn't no set of rules and regulations of doing this thing called "adult life". It just catches up with you one day and all you can do is just dive in head first, hoping that you wont drown. In some indirect way, life usually has prepared us. From your past experiences and those of your loved ones, you are able to figure out how to do it.

I have learnt there are some key things that you need in order to be able to maneuver in "adulting".

First, God - I am where i am in life because of God, because i have learnt that He is the author of my book and that He has strategically planned out every chapter of this book to be the way it is. I have learnt that people might fail me, my family, my friends might fail me; but He will never fail me.

Secondly, Support from my friends and family - We are social beings in nature, which means we cannot be able to survive without some love, care and support from people who love us. When we feel beaten down, we know that there is someone out there who is there for us no matter what.

Thirdly, Have some self- compassion - Reminding ourselves time to time that it is ok that things didn't go the way we wanted them to, but that isn't the end. Reminding ourselves that we are human, and we are not expected to be superhuman. That is fine if we fail, if we made mistakes.

Fourthly, No need to figure it all out at once - We are always in the pressure of trying to figure out our lives that we got lost in all of it and life just passes us like that. It is fine to feel like you don't have it all figured out, because we are not supposed to. We live day by day, and each day has a different element to it than the previous one. Enjoy the learning moment, enjoy those surprising elements and just take it day by day.

 

"Life doesn't require that we be the best, only that we try our best" 

~ H. Jackson Brown Jr. 

 XOXO,

DEBBIE