Hello everyone, its always nice coming back to this space and just share with you. For today’s post I am going to be vulnerable with you guys and let you on, on whats been going on with me lately. When I started to blog, it started as a space where I would escape and just pour out my thoughts on paper and for a moment I would be ok. I just realize that I haven’t been doing that in a while. I am now going back to that space where i get to pour out my heart. To let you know that i don't have it all together, that i too have my moments of self doubt, of not feeling so great about myself.
For a while now I have been having this unsettling feeling of my life being stagnant. It's like despite all that i am doing, i am not seeing the fruits of my labour. You know the feeling you have while running on a tread mill, yes, thats what i am talking about. You are running, you are sweating your calories off but you are still the same place you started. But when I look back to all the things that have happened this year in my life, it contradicts my feelings. I don’t think I would term graduating from college as stagnation. I don’t think being able to get a job and kick-starting my career right after college is stagnation. I have had all these successes but yet I still feel like there hasn’t been any progress in my life.
The funny thing about it all, is that I have been working on my life. I wake up every day I go to work, I make sure that everything I do, I do it in excellence. When not at work, I am either working on my blog, reading a book, doing errands, cleaning, or traveling. That right there is someone who is making sure that their life isn’t stagnant.
Part of it is that I feel like I am waiting for a big break. It could be in my career life, my personal life, in my blogging. It is like I am trying to hurry this process that I am in. I am trying to go with my speed and not trusting God enough to take me through this process. I am sure I am not the only one who has been in such a place. A place where you just want to have figured everything out and not being frustrated with the process. A place where you just want to see results after results, and not just minimal results but great strides in whatever it is you are accomplishing.
As I am writing this, I am taken back to last Sunday’s sermon. The sermon was titled “UNSCRIPTED” and the pastor was talking about the story of Hannah and Peninah (read 1 Samuel). A little bit of a background on the story. Elkanah had two wives, Hannah and Peninnah. Peninnah bore him children but Hannah had not. She was very prayerful but was in so much anguish as she wouldn’t understand why God would not bless her with a child. But Hannah continued to be faithful to God and eventually God answered her prayers and she bore Samuel who would be the one who would anoint Kings.
Why I am quoting this sermon here? It spoke to my present situation. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we feel like nothing is happening in our lives. We feel like we are stagnant and there is nothing of substance that we are doing. That sermon reminded me that when it is silent in our lives, God is working behind the scenes. The big break that we are waiting for is coming. We just need to put our faith and trust in Him and He will direct our paths. So I am letting Him take over.
I am not sure what the moral of today’s blog is. I just wanted to speak to you and let you know, that I too have my moments of weakness. That sometimes it is ok to feel vulnerable and it is in those moments that we need to remember that God is working within us.
Hope you I got through to someone today. Make sure that you SUBCRIBE to my newsletter and I will see you all next week.