Debora MbalukaComment

TAKING STOCK: THE SECOND CHANCE

Debora MbalukaComment
TAKING STOCK: THE SECOND CHANCE

Hello lovelies, happy new month!!! It is October already, the leaves are already changing color, it becoming a little cooler, Fall/autumn is in full effect.

I decided to do this post because this fall is quite significant to me. I started my final year as undergrad, in short i am a SENIOR. It is really exciting for me to be able see myself reach that final lap. However, i also wanted to take a brief look at what lead me to reach here. To appreciate the tough moments, the sweet moments, the happy moments, as they are part and parcel of what has led me to this moment. Also with the hope that whoever might be reading this and i going through a hard time, to tell them that it always gets better. There is always a silver-lining and God does not abandon his children.

I remember it was almost 5 years ago when i was having one of the many long distance phone calls with my mum, telling me how i shouldn't worry anymore, for we will be reunited once more. [It had been close to 8 years, of her not being able to see us grow up].I was at a very dark place in my life, i never seemed to be happy anymore. I was always angry and frequently asking God a lot of 'whys'. I had finished high school a year before that and was just going through the motions. I got enrolled at a local college, not one of my choice, and was doing a course that i pretended to like. As i said, i was just going through the motions.

I remember never looking forward to anything because it always seemed impossible.  It was like i was living, but at the same time i wasn't. I remember one time in church, one of my pastors asked me this question, "what is your purpose in life?". I froze because i didn't know how to answer that question. I was just a girl, who was trying to take it day by day not really thinking about the future.

However, all that changed when God made a way for me to join my mum in America. It was like coming up for fresh air after being submerged in water for a long time. I usually say God used this land to save me. It was like a bulb immediately went on. Don't get me wrong, i love my country Kenya, but i lived in a situation where i never had the opportunity to be myself, let alone discover myself. All i knew, was just going with the motions, doing what others thought was good for not necessarily what i thought was best for me.

"Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there's love and inspiration, i don't think you can go wrong"

~ Ella Jane Fitzgerald

When i landed in this land 4 years ago, it was like a caged bird was let free to fly for the first time. I took time to discover myself, to discover my strengths and my weaknesses. As i mentioned in a previous post, TAKING STOCK: MY LOVE FOR WRITING, that is how i discovered i loved to write. I was given the opportunity to create my path in life.  A path that i would one day look back and tell my children, 'i did this so that your future could shine brighter than mine'. All the little dreams that i had when i was a young girl all of sudden became a possibility. On that night that i landed at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport, fresh off the boat, i was given words of wisdom that i still hear them loud and clear.

"America can make you or break, it's for you to choose what you want to make of it."

I intend to be the person God intended for me to be as i was being formed in my mothers womb. He had already planned out my future and He knew the kind of woman i would grow up to be. Through those 4 years, God has opened up many doors for me and given me opportunities where i can stand out and be able to make a difference.

Four years ago, i had to start my life from the ground up. All the education i had acquired in Kenya became void. I am now starting my senior year, my final year as an undergraduate. This to me is a moment to be proud of. Not many people have been able to be fortunate enough to see it through. People come here full of dreams, but life gets in the way and they loose track. If you are able to start something and see it through, be proud of yourself and keep pushing.

 

"You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through"

~ Rosalynn Carter

 XOXO, 

DEBBIE

Photography: David Kiania

Location: University of Washington